“After the Emotional Affair: I Hate You!” – by Linda at emotionalaffair.org

Had to re-post this as it is too good not to share and the link was not accessible for some.

Believe or not this is totally uncharacteristic of me to have such negative feelings against another human being.  Generally, I try to see the good side in everyone.

Realistically, I know I hate the emotional affair more than the person I am attacking, but right now I feel that this is a healthy way to let go of my anger.

I know that I can’t hate Doug, even though he is as much to blame as she is, because that would hinder everything I am trying to do to save our marriage.  And sorry to all you men out there, but women have a way of manipulating you like putty.

Unfortunately, that power erodes when you have been married as long as we have.  So along with my top list of stupid things said during an affair this is my “I hate you Tanya list.”

  • I hate you because you broke the unwritten rule among women.  Women support each other. We know how difficult it is being a wife, mother and career women, and when a man comes to you complaining about his wife you should support the woman. You tell him “Of course your wife falls asleep on the couch.  Think about what she does all day.”  Why don’t you ask him what he is doing to make her life easier?  You don’t use that as an opportunity to move in for the kill.
  • I hate you because it was so easy for you to make my husband feel good about himself. You were able to be complimentary, laugh at his jokes, and tell him how wonderful he was. You were not living my life.  It was different for me.  You were on a constant vacation with my husband.
  • I hate you because you were always able to appear funny, happy, free spirited, and then you could go home and be your true self. I didn’t have that luxury; my true self was there for my husband to see from the time I woke up until I collapsed in bed at night. There was no place to hide and sometimes it wasn’t very pretty.
  • I hate you because you had all the control. You knew how to keep the affair going, how to push my husband’s buttons and you knew what he was feeling and thinking.  I felt like I didn’t know him at all.
  • I hate you because you were always available to meet my husband’s needs.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to; I had a difficult job and three children at home who occupied a lot of my time.
  • I hate you because you had all the power.  You knew everything that my husband was unhappy about in his marriage and you used that to your advantage. You always had the upper hand and I was helpless.
  • I hate you because you used every opportunity to weed yourself into our lives. You did so while we were on vacations, camping trips, evenings, weekends; your presence was always there by phone calls or text.
  • I hate you because you didn’t have the guts to do something about your own bad marriage.  Instead you found someone who was married  to make you feel better about yourself.
  • I hate you because you made my husband forget why he loved me, his family and his life.
  • I hate you because you listened so intently while my husband was telling you how “unsatisfying” his marriage was.  You appeared so understanding, but of course you didn’t give a shit since he wasn’t unsatisfied with you.
  • I hate that my husband gave you everything I ever needed from him.  You received his undivided attention, appreciation, admiration, compliments and you didn’t have to do his laundry, bare his children, or take care of him in return.
  • I hate you because I lost my sense of security and trust.
  • I hate you because you took away my confidence.  Because of you I constantly question if I am happy, pretty, funny, outgoing and skinny enough to satisfy my husband.
  • I hate you because the husband I thought I knew and loved was not that man anymore, and I had to learn who he was, how to forgive him and how to love him again.
  • I hate you because even though you are not in our lives anymore you are a constant image in my mind.  Your name, your face, a sign, a memory can take a happy day and turn it into a sad one.
  • I hate you because you never thought about me and the pain you were causing.
  • I hate you because I will never look at my husband the same way again.
  • I hate you because I will never be the same person again.  My childlike qualities of being trusting and somewhat naïve will never be there again.  Instead I feel like I walk around afraid to truly experience life for fear of being hurt.
  • I hate you because you took away something so very precious to me–my husband’s heart. That is something that I will never forget, forgive or understand because it was never yours to take.

There.  I’ve got that off my chest.  Believe it or not, I feel much better now.  You should really give this a try.  This allowed me to take some of the burden of their emotional affair and transfer it out of my mind, if only for a little while.

After the Emotional Affair: I Hate You!

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4 thoughts on ““After the Emotional Affair: I Hate You!” – by Linda at emotionalaffair.org

  1. I agree with Zombiedrew2.

    Have you drawn up a NC letter? I don’t feel good that as long as she is still working in the same company, she may contact your H while she is on maternity leave. I assume she would have given birth by then.

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    1. Hi Ponderthinker. No NC letter was drawn up. Husband has left the company 2 months ago. Yes baby was born approx 2 months ago. Husband claims he has no interest in her and her life at all (anymore) and has had no direct contact with her since early May. I believe him…I am tired of being afraid of being hurt again. I want to move forward. I wasn’t able to enjoy my favourite time of the year last year this time as I was distracted form the shock and intense pain….I want to try to make the most of it this year. the one year anniversary of DDay is coming up and I want to try and do something special to chisel away at the memory of discovery.

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  2. One thing to always remember – peoples actions are more a reflection of THEM then they are of you. Your husband chose to have an affair to fill a hole inside himself. That doesn’t mean you are any less worthy. Sure, we can always improve ourselves. But no matter what he did, YOU are enough.

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