I am having another weak moment. Maybe it has something to do with the 14% extra gravitational pull from the recent supermoon. Please therefore go easy on me with this post!
I know I am and we are on the road to recovery. I know that in order to keep growing stronger individually and together as a couple I need to push these thoughts away. But it is so frigging hard.
I blame my husband first and foremost for the hurt he has caused me from this affair. He had made horrible choices and we both have to live with it for the rest of our lives and accept that it is a long and difficult journey with no guarantee.
However, I am still stuck when it comes to her. I just can’t cant seem to get “her” out of my head. Thoughts and images of her still haunt me on a daily basis. All of the pictures that my husband took of her, the sexy and cute ones that she had sent to him…her loving words in her messages, letters, cards, emails…the memories of all of the interactions between her and my husband…I just wish I was strong enough to resist letting all of these flashes of her into my world. They sear through my being and I am trying so hard to fight them off, but unfortunately I am still not strong enough.
I will NEVER forgive her even if she owes me absolutely nothing and has no direct ties to me. Despite all of what my husband has done to us and me (and he does take full responsibility for his actions)…She TOO is NOT a good person and has stolen something special from me that I can never get back. The innocence of my certainty of our marriage and what it once was. My trust, security and safety are all gone! My heart is broken into pieces. None of it was hers for the taking. She played a significant role in encouraging my husband to cross the line…over and over. I know he allowed her in and as a result let her take advantage of him and by association us. He allowed her to steal precious quality time with him away from us and break down our beautiful bond that we once shared. But she was there on the other side with her “bits” hanging over his head luring him into her web. She took full advantage of our marriage being vulnerable and went in for the kill without any remorse.
I will never lower myself to her level…but I am still hurting and simply hate her. I often wish she could read my blog to see all of the pain and damage that she has caused. Not that she would care. Her parents must be so disappointed that she turned out this way.
The below link is similar to the way I feel…just because!
Here ya go Ms. B! and YES…I HATE YOU!!