I didn’t sleep the night of him leaving me and us. I didn’t know what to do. I was absolutely hopeless.
I still hadn’t cried. Still in shock. I went to work the next morning and my work colleague insisted I go and see her therapist as I needed help to snap me out of my numbness. She helped me get an emergency appointment as there was a last minute cancellation. While I was in the waiting room…in walks my husband’s AP’s husband. (!!??!) I wanted to disappear, but there was no where to hide. I instinctively looked down and hid my face in both of my hands. What the @#$%^ should I do?!? I slowly looked up and softly said “hi”. Time stood still. He then sat next to me and said “I guess you are here for the same reason as me?”. I told him that my husband wants to leave me and needs time apart to figure things out. He said his wife had told him the same thing. He immediately thought they were going on another one of their romantic escapes together. He told me that she told him that my husband had gone into her office right after our lunch the day before and told her that it wasn’t going to work out with me and that he was willing to give it a try with her and that she was confused because she loves my husband and still loves him. He showed me her whats app message from the day before – telling him this right after my husband had driven off in the taxi leaving me standing on the side of the road. WTF?!! I didn’t expect to hear that at all. Someone please pull the twisting knife out!!
He apologised for hurting me with this information and kindly asked me if I wanted to join him with his therapist?!? (That was really nice of him.) He introduced me to his therapist, who is also her therapist, as well, and is fully aware of my husband and our story. Then my therapist comes out to get me and the husband asks her if we can all spend some time together. They all agree. Again WTF?!? Is this for real? I was so hurt from what her husband had just told me, but at the same time amazed at what was going on at that very moment. So surreal. So all four of us went into the room to talk. ?!?!!!
He begins to tell “our” story…at least his version of the story. He tells me that my husband has been talking to his wife for the past four weeks and that they still love each other. That he (her husband) was planning on coming to my home tonight to ask my husband how he could take another man’s wife from him that is carrying his unborn child. What kind of man could do that to another man?! I agreed. However, I thought to myself – what about his !@#$ wife who is taking my husband away from his family and innocent wife and children?!! The therapist asked him what would he do if he couldn’t change their minds. He angrily said he couldn’t be a part of his child’s life if my husband was there. He continued to tell me that my husband told his wife at the work party last weekend that he didn’t think he loved his wife anymore!!!??? He showed me the whats app messages. Again he apologised.
The husband knew all about our life as she told him everything that my husband had shared with her. About our new home, his new job offer and how we had just come back from our trip, etc. Again he showed me all of the whats app messages. Deep sigh.
The therapists both encouraged us to each share our versions of the affair and learned more of the lies that we were each told by our spouses. I was reluctant at first as I never wanted to hurt her husband or lower myself to her level. However the therapist encouraged the truths to be revealed so we could fill in the missing pieces that we so desperately needed to help each other heal and recover. The therapist explained that affairs are riddled with lies as their foundation is built on lies, deceit and hurt alone. So off we went to reveal our sides of the story. Who knows what was true at this point?
Her husband thought the affair was only for the past year and not almost two years.He didn’t realise there were more romantic escapes. He didn’t know there were pictures. He didn’t know how it all started. He told me how he had to sell their sofa as it only reminded him of our spouses having sex on it. (I didn’t have the heart to ask him why he didn’t sell his bed too.) He told me how they have moved to a new neighbourhood for the very same reason why I wanted us to move. (Funny as my husband had coincidentally wanted to move to that very same neighbourhood that they now live in.) He mentioned how he found the stamp of The Maldives trip in her passport and when they had gone on a trip right after that trip with my Husband. How he had asked her about it and she had told him she had gone on a solo trip while he went on a business trip. He for some stupid reason believed it at the time. I love how she can do something like that without any question. Clearly we are all gullible. I only assumed she had to admit to it after because that was probably weighing heavily in his mind. Hence the lie of the affair only being a year long. The lies continued to reveal themselves. Let’s just say we were both crushed beyond belief. However, who was telling the truth?
Our therapists both pointed out that our spouses clearly are in love and want to be together and that there is nothing we can do about it. That hurt to hear, but it is what it is. They advised us to let our spouses know of our intentions, whether it was to stay or leave them, and then step back and allow our spouses to figure out what they wanted with each other and wait and see how it would all pan out. She had strongly urged us to not get ahead of ourselves and to just allow ourselves to process this pain and hang in there until things settled down…That we were NOT to make any final decisions or hasty plans. She pointed out that the affair relationship was blighted from the start and it didn’t have any foundation to grow from. The only sad part is would I really want to be waiting on the other side of that discovery? A back-up plan which clearly the husband was to her. I now see that I am too for my husband.
The husband and I had exchanged phone numbers. I was glad for this as he could possibly help me know more truths if needed. We hugged and wished each other only the best.
I left there bewildered, but for some weird reason feeling a lot stronger. I have no idea why I felt this way. Maybe because it just simply could not get any worst. Which was comforting in an absurd way. Or maybe it was because I felt like the better person in this entire scenario…as I wasn’t only seeing it from my perspective. I wasn’t being the selfish one …which clearly was the agenda for the other three persons in this horrible drama.
One thing I knew for sure….I would wait for my husband to call me as we all know how he would find out about this bizarre fateful moment sooner or later.
So I waited.