My husband called.
His voice was soft and cracked. He said “hi”. I calmly said “hi” back. He told me that he had heard I was in therapy with her husband and asked me why I hadn’t told him. I coldly said “because I was waiting for her to tell you”. He then burst into tears and said he was so very sorry. How he hadn’t been honest with me over the past four weeks. That he had said and done some horrible things and was very sorry again. How he didn’t mean to hurt me and was never leaving the girls and me. How he may have “fXcked” his chances with me but wants to try to win back my trust and love.
He explained that she had sent him an email while we were on that dreaded vacation telling him that her husband was willing to support her choice to be with my Husband and that they should “give it a try” as they clearly loved each other and would my Husband consider it. WTF?!
She told him that her husband was concerned for her happiness as she told him that she wanted to be with my Husband. WTF?! My Husband told me that this baby and email had weighed heavily on his conscience and the fact that our marriage was struggling (never mind due to his lack of efforts and continued lies), had made him confused and he couldn’t figure out what to do. That he realised that he hadn’t been fair to me and us and hadn’t given us the chance that I and we deserve and he is so sorry. WTF?!
He told me that he had gone into her office after our dreaded lunch, but not to make plans to run off with her…just to cry and vent as he was feeling horrible and had no one else to talk to about it. He admit that in hindsight this was a big mistake as when he told her he didn’t think it was going to work out with me…she jumped all over it (probably like “white on rice”) and said that she couldn’t stay with her husband knowing that he had left me and was going to be alone. So she was going to tell her husband she also needed space to see if it could work with my husband. He told me that he told her that was the wrong decision to make and if she really thought about it, that it just couldn’t work but if there was a chance for them then she needed to think about the consequences of their actions and how difficult it would be for them. That he had parted that evening knowing that it couldn’t work, but regardless he still needed space from me as we were not in a good place and would come home to me on the weekend and take it from there.
I told him that her husband is extremely upset with him about taking his unborn child away from him. My Husband reacted in total shock and said “Oh my God, I was never going to do that! I would never do that!! I have been telling her to stay with her husband if only for the sake of the baby. She played me! She is playing all of us. I need to call her now. I’ll call you back!” and then he hung up. I am not buying all of this but this is what he had told me and swears he is telling the truth. Which is why he was so upset that she told her husband the opposite and feels that he had been played by her
He called back shortly after and told me that it was “OVER” between them. That she was “DEAD” to him. He said he told her to go and be with her husband and that he never wanted to speak to her again. He said she even asked if they could speak at the therapist’s office later that week and he had told her “NO”. He said he changed his flight to come home one day earlier and he hopes I will let him come home and that he will tell me everything. That he doesn’t want to leave me and the girls and how very sorry he is. All amidst tears and sadness.
I told him I had to think about it. I honestly didn’t know what to do at this very moment. Wasn’t even sure if I wanted him in my life anymore. So many lies and deceit. Who was this man? I don’t know this side of him at all. Oh how the tables have turned in such a short space of time.
Seriously. WTF is going on?! Still no tears.
He kept calling me over the next few days, crying, pleading, apologising over and over. I too surprisingly did a 180 and became this cold person. I guess partially from the utter disappointment on what he had done to me and our kids once again…letting her manipulate him and hurting me once again, but also because he had flipped…again and I just don’t know who or what to believe anymore. He is NOT the man I had fallen in love with and have loved for the past 16 years. Where did that man go? Who is this man?
I told him that the only hope that we have going forward is for “total and complete honesty” as difficult and hurtful it will be. He agreed. He promised he would tell me “everything” this weekend and how very sorry he was again for all of the pain and hurt he has caused. He once again exclaimed that she is “dead” to him…that she is “gone”… that there is “no more” her…that he has “blocked” her on whats app and “never” wants to speak to her ever again. It’s amazing how things can change in just 24 hours. Seems to be a trend of late.
I know once again…I should be already gone and not looking back. However, I have no where to go and I am not selfish enough to take his kids a away from him nor my kids’ father away from them. I have sacrificed and compromised for this man’s dreams for the past 9 years. I also needed some clarity from this mess and needed to make a plan once I come out of this confused hurt state. I also still love him and am at the same time am very disappointed in him. Not a good place to be at all. Now I am uncertain of our future, where before I thought we had a fighting chance. I am losing my faith and will to fight.
The next day I asked my Husband to send me the email she had sent him while we were on vacation. I then called her husband. I wanted to see if he had really told her that he would support his wife if she wanted run off with my Husband and give it a “try”. Her husband was happy to hear from me and told me that he was going to call and check on me. (Why does this woman want to leave such a lovely man? Then again why did my Husband want to leave me? I suppose the grass is always greener.) He then told me that his wife had called my Husband last night and that she had broken up with him. Huh!?! I told him that my Husband said he had broken up with her. He seemed to feel sorry for me as I did for him. I then rushed to ask him about the email and if it were true about his stance on letting her run off with my Husband…but he had hastily interrupted me and told me that he and his wife had “closure” and that they had made a decision and commitment to each other the night before and were going to try again. That if they failed it was due to their not being able to make it and not because of the affair. (Uh huh…)
He then encouraged me to focus on my marriage and give my husband another chance….if not for me ..for our kids because they deserve that. He reminded me that we (my husband and I) had made a choice to have kids and it is our responsibility “to try” if only for them. I agreed. At this point I decided not to dig any further and let this man keep his renewed hope for his marriage. I told him that, for what it’s worth, my husband had wanted to call and let him know that he was never encouraging his wife to ever leave him. I told him that our spouses were not bad people and that they had just made some @#$%^&-up mistakes and decisions without thinking of the consequences. (Not being totally honest here!) He agreed and said that he too didn’t think my Husband was a horrible person and that they had both got caught up in a whirlwind romance and it had unfortunately affected their rationale thinking. (Aren’t we nice!?) I told him he could call me any time and that I thought he was going to be an amazing father. (I meant that!) I wished him all of the best. He wished me well and then I hung up. Again, she is one lucky lady to have this man fighting for her despite all that she has done to him. Just as lucky as my Husband is to have me “fighting the fight” for us….so far.
I called my Husband and told him that her husband said she told him that she had broken up with my Husband. He was perturbed, but said that maybe this is what she needed to say to him in order for him to take her back. It could be the same with me and my Husband for me to take him back…again. Who knows? He (my Husband) knows I am not going to believe anything that he says right now, but that this was the truth. You got that right!
I got the email. She had selfishly sent him a series of emails, starting on the first day of our trip, telling him that she and her husband had discussed her feelings that she still had for my Husband and him for her…and that despite my Husband telling her to completely cut ties from each others’ lives…that her husband was in support of them giving it a try to be together. That it would be best to try now and see if it can work rather than a few years from now and hurting us all over again. Never mind about encouraging him to leave his family and innocent kids. Something none of these three extremely selfish persons have ever taken into consideration to date – the wife and kids on the other side of this very selfish triangle. (I do question why she felt this was even a possibility in the first place. Clearly whatever was discussed between them the day of our trip lead her to believe that they were meant to be together.) My Husband didn’t reply to this absurd proposal but it had clearly affected him. This does explain why he was acting so weird on our trip and how she was able to once again infect our sacred time together. She is part of our vacation…again. Sad how my Husband doesn’t consider this email as another sign of her self-absorbed attitude and that she would make an awful step-mother. Yeah I know. Wake-the-F-up!
I guess the fact that her email does show where my Husband was encouraging her to stay with her husband in several places in the messages, albeit for the unborn baby and NOT for the love of his kids and me. The fact that my husband told me the truth about the details of the affair from the beginning, whereas she had lied to her husband about many things. All of this does in my “biased” and “in denial” opinion of my husband reflect more positively on the perspective that my husband could in fact be telling the truth. Maybe not all of the truth…but maybe some or most of the truth?!? Maybe.
To be completely honest – the husband that I fell in love with and still do love – would never take another man’s baby away from him. However, this affair “fog” does supposedly mess your mind up and who knows what he was capable of.
Maybe I should call this post “WTF?!?!”