You know the saying…no news is good news…well we “Betrayeds” usually end up writing when we are down and out and need to vent.
To be honest…with the exception of a few internal setbacks, triggers, and biting memories…I and WE have been absolutely amazing. After all, it has only been a little over a year. So as far as I am concerned, this is major progress and we are truly blessed.
We had recently organised a little family getaway over an orchestrated long weekend and were extremely excited to be able to decompress and spend some quality time together – as our weekends go by too quickly for us. After driving over six hours, finally checking into our hotel, quickly changing into our swimsuits and rushing down to the pool to have a quick swim and a vacation cocktail before dark…my husband goes white like a ghost and whispers to me – “WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM”…
I GASPED…there goes my heart constricting again and I unfortunately immediately thought the worst….”SHE WAS HERE!!!?!!??” and then realised how melodramatic I was being and profusely apologised for jumping to that conclusion. He took a deep breath and said “It is exactly that”. My heart sank…I gasped again.
WTF do we do now? We had no where else to go. All of the hotels in the area were fully booked out. Do we drive back home after being in the car for so long? I panicked. We panicked. WTF?!
My husband immediately wrapped his arms around me…held me closely, asked me to look at him and then softly and sincerely told me how much he loved me…how very sorry he is for everything again (BTW: I hear this a lot from him), how seeing her disgusts him as it reminds him of all of the horrible things he let himself do…how much hurt and pain he has brought to the girls and I…and how he almost lost me and us. He reminded me how far we have come…how amazing we are…how we must try and not let seeing her set us back too much, as we both knew that was going to inevitably happen. How we needed to remain strong together and try to enjoy ourselves as much as possible, as we too deserve this holiday together. (HEAVY SIGH!) A very BIG ASK!
We sat huddled closely together on the lounge chair, with the beach bag still over my shoulder – looking like we had just seen ghosts. Meanwhile our poor kids were inside the pool begging us to come in, but we were glued to the lounge chair with our backs to HER while her husband was swimming right beside them. We couldn’t do anything. We were frozen. It simply broke our hearts that we were letting our kids down….once again.
I did however take advantage of this moment and H’s vulnerability and asked him more questions about the affair, things that I needed to feel he was telling the truth about. He seemed so sincere and honest with his answers which made me feel better, albeit that the truthful words still stung.
We luckily avoided any direct run-ins with her, her husband and baby that evening. However, I was definitely paranoid and was constantly looking around like a rhesus monkey, expecting the worse. Unfortunately I often do this when I go to the supermarket in my home town…always scanning public areas to see if she and her husband are around. Now…here we are…thousands of miles away…and there SHE F@cKing is! COME ON!
I barely slept that night as you can imagine. Major flashbacks were zooming through my mind. My children think I am always sad looking when I am supposed to be happy. We are on vacation for goodness sake. It is so hard for me as I wish they could understand that I am NOT a miserable Beatch…and want to be happy.
The next morning at breakfast was rough for me too, as expected. Thankfully, still no sign of them so far. After, we situated ourselves at the pool on the opposite end of where we saw them sitting the day before. I made sure to position myself with the best visibility to be armed and ready. I was anxiously awaiting to see them and for noon to quickly kick in, so having a cocktail would be deemed acceptable. Grin.
There she was…with her big ass ski slope forehead, pathetic “Olive Oyl” bun wobbling on top of her head and with her man arms pushing her Quinny stroller (but of course) along the pool side. (I know, harsh of me…but I cannot help myself. Still have a lot of hatred and at the same time feel very sorry for her. So please forgive me for my shallowness.) …They didn’t see us.
Finally noon reached…Pina Colada #1 had kicked in good and proper. We were playing cards by the pool with our kids…and the vibes were nice despite that I was on major high alert, as expected. SHE was right at the other end of the pool. HER! WTF! ….And just like that… there she was….slithering into the pool like a smug snake with her perfect ass…(YES. It is still unfortunately absolutely perfect. The Beeatch.) She slowly looked around happy as a lark…and BAM! She saw me! She immediately froze. Then she quickly looked at our kids…then at my Husband and then back at me…to make sure it was in fact me that she was looking at. She is the one that now looks like she saw a ghost! Meanwhile, I was having a little internal conversation with myself during this very moment that went something like this…”yes..it’s me…you Bitch…happy to see me?”…and then I gave her a BIG ASS smile…head tilted and all..and her facial expression changed from shock to a sly CXNT. And with that she slowly turned around and slithered off to the other side of the pool. She then hid behind a large pool statue and eventually crawled out.
What a weird feeling this all was to me. There she was…and I survived. After a few hours with her being nearby the pool…riddled with one more dip in the pool with her husband, but behind the statue…as it was very hot.. They finally packed up and walked the long way around on the grass, with their stroller, to fully avoid us. I wonder if she told her husband that we were there? Knowing her…maybe not.
I felt better after they had left the pool area, as for some reason I felt they were gone for good. So life was good again. After some more fun games, swimming with the kids and yummy Pina Coladas…we fully enjoyed the next two days completely stress free and more in love.
Maybe this “oh so small world” was a good thing after all. 🙂